Want sex, celebrate mothers day like you stole it.

Mothers day is right around the corner.  If you are a smart mothers day for you starts a week early and it the most celebrated week of the year.

This is because mothers day is the one day that will determine how much sex you get for the rest of the year.  Its like the SAT’s of getting some while your kid is napping.  For that same reason mothers day starts a week early.  You ever heard a drunk chick at a bar yell “its my birthday week!” Of course you have.  Girls get showered with gifts for weeks on either side of their big days be they birthdays, graduations or any saturday by their dads so that later in the girls life some dude won’t be able to buy his way in between her legs with a 20 piece McNugget and a mixtape.

I once heard a girl on a subway say “At least my man pay for my lazer tag and my movie ticket.”  Sounds like someone didn’t have a dad around.

Each day from now till mothers day you should have a gift for your wife and/or baby momma.  I will post each day from now till mothers day to help new fathers navigate the dark and treacherous waters of gift giving to your wife to ensure your sex life doesn’t exclusively include 5 fingers.

Today’s gift: Flowers.  They last all week and are a reminder of how thoughtful you are.  Just don’t give them to her while pointing at your pants, not helpful.

And never use your fly as a vase.

And never use your fly as a vase.