How to build invincible babies!

Invincible babies aren’t born, they are built!

We all want healthy kids.  In an effort to keep our kids healthy we load up on Purell and antibacterial wipes, buy organic plates and free range napkins and wash our kids hands till they’re raw like an OCD victim that just wanked it.

All of this is having the opposite of the intended effect.  We need to get rid of the Purell and let our kids eat the Cheerios they find in the dog bed.  We bring our kids to the doc to get immunized against diseases that haven’t been around in 50 years then we bring them home into an environment full of germs and don’t let them touch anything.  This is why none of our kids have polio but they all have a new cold every week.

Lets take a que from modern medicine and let a kid immunize themselves from their environment.  Don’t just throw away the purell, introduce new germs to build up the immune system.  Start off prison rules style.  Find the sickest looking kid on the playground and have your kid go up and lick them.  When your kid starts chewing on a door handle don’t tell them to stop, challenged them.  “Bet you can’t get the whole thing in your mouth.”  Try playing games like “whats the sidewalk taste like?” or “how many rocks can you fit in your mouth.”


If you want the seal team 6 of immune systems you have to constantly challenge it or it will get lazy.  Scrap the 5 second rule and replace it with the 5 minute or 5 day rule. If you do that everyone in your family will live to a hundred… or die trying.



Secrets to keep your kid from getting sick.

Kids get sick all of the time.  Some how people are always surprised.  “Sick again!?!? Wow little buddy I wonder why this keeps happening?”

Let me take a stab.  The kid just licked the sidewalk.  Her entire lunch has been on the floor.  She just ate something that has been down the in crack of the stroller for 2 years and I don’t know why they have this tradition but it seems like every time a kid under 3 meets another they will have their hands inside of the other kids mouth as some point.

I am no doctor but it seems to me that if any group of people are going to get sick over and over again its kids.  They’re gross.

Your kid doesn’t have to be a statistic.  There are several things you can do to keep your kid healthy.

1- Cough loudly and scratch at open wounds.  People and kids will go near a sick kid but if you look like you are sick enough to die those sick kids and parents will leave you and your kid alone.

2- Bleach bucket.  Now, we all know that you can’t dunk your kid into bleach but you can use the same idea.  Get a bucket at lease 3 feet tall, fill it with hand Purell and set it outside your door.  Every time the kid comes home strip them down and dunk em’ in.

We got a carnival Purell Dunk Tank.  Fun for the whole clean and healthy family!

We got a carnival Purell Dunk Tank. Fun for the whole clean and healthy family!

3- Self immunization.  Now kids already do this but to a lesser degree.  The idea is to expose them to everything so they build antibodies till their immune system is tougher than a shark who’s parents were killed in front of him in a dark alley and had devoted his life to fighting crime… Yep… Batman Shark!

Take them to a local children’s hospital and let them lick everything in the waiting room  Sure they will get really sick but when they wake up from that coma they will be bullet proof!

Feel free to post any other ideas, but don’t say vitamins and eating healthy or I will smack you.